My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
