I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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