I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
