her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
