I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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