who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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