How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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