yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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