I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
