my soul wont recognize me after tonight
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
