i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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