i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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