Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
