Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
