oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize