life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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