It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
