I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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