Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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