Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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