Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
