party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
