I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
