I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
