I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
