3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
