Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
