im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
