I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
