his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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