she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
