Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
