I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
