why didn't you poke me back
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
