Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
