i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
