hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
