ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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