1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
