We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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