i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
