You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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