So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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