you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just found puke in my bra..
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
