I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
