My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
