I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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