Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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