I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
