What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
