I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I am never drinking with the goths again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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