she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
