Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
