my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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