Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
