Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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