She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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