Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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