allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The best revenge is premature balding
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
