My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
