dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
