i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
