in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
